Well that was a fun year, wasn’t it? Well… Sort of. I would make an edgy, satirical rant on things in politics and the media that happened last year but it turns out that Charlie Brooker has that market pretty much tied down. So until I grow an owl-like beak and marry someone way out of my league you’ll have to make do with some vaguely true, run-of-the-mill observations. Happy new year!
GIRLS WERE COOL.
Whereas 2009 was all about rediscovering old greats, paying off Michael’s court costs and finally reaching the tipping point when it was decided that autotune really does piss people off, 2010 was all about the ladies. Usually ladies on their own (but sometimes with a backing band). These ladies usually played acoustic guitar, synth or piano, and had a distinctive vocal delivery, be it shouty, warbly or breathy and kooky. Record companies liked to emphasize how independent and actually talented they supposedly were, because it makes an artist more endearing to their fans. Of course, the start of the year did see a bit of a retro-love hangover in the wake of Glee, which had the nerve to dig up Don’t Stop Believing, a song in what was before 2009 a completely dead genre and make it cool again. Unfortunately, it had the adverse side effect of being incredibly annoying to anyone over the age of 11 with balls.
OBVIOUS BLOG ENTRY IS OBVIOUS.
Well, I might aswell get to the inevitable part of the 2010 review. 3d, everyone was loving it. You were loving it, your mother was loving it (and she liked 3d films, too, OH SNAP), your dog was loving it. Everyone was loving it except me. You see, 3d will do for the cinema industry what motion controls and casual gaming have done to the videogames industry. The technology is advancing so rapidly that developers of their particular media cant make movies that fit into the new tech without sacrificing some of their intellectual weight. Sure, Avatar was real purdy to look at, but otherwise it was the most boring story ever told, apart from maybe the time I asked my grandad about how he got so good at betting on horses. Another drawback of 3d isn’t to do with the film itself, its the damn goggles you have to put on to watch it. Is it worth wearing uncomfortable, migrane-inducing cheap plastic glasses that make you look like an idiot for two and a half hours just so you can see a spear occasionally break the fourth wall? No, it isn’t. Obviously.
See this and other images in "70 Things That Look Creepy In 3D", available on Amazon. Probably.
FACEBOOK.
Duh. What, you think I get payed for this? Fine. Facebook was pretty big. The little nerd who made it even got a movie made out of him making it. Although you would think that now he’s a billionaire, he could probably afford to buy a better looking girlfriend. Maybe even the woman that played her in the movie.
Would.
Well, I’m out of time/money/things that I can talk rubbish about over the internet. That was my review of 2010. If you want an arbitrary score, I’m cool with that. Erm… erm… 17/19. Okay?
