That is a serious question by the way. Are you a star whore?
Anyways, let me present you a band that really sung about Star Whores:
Christ Child!
But who was Christ Child? It all happened in 1977 when some California metal band or I think they were metal decided to go both punk and new wave by becoming this mysterious entity called Christ Child. As Christ Child, they released just one album which was called Hard. But why only one album though? Well the thing about it was in an age where punk rock and new wave ruled music, Christ Child was neither of these despite being labeled as a “punk” band.
Christ Child sounded more like a hard rock band that decided after one hard night of drinking to release a “punk” record. The guitar playing is actually decent but their lyrics are horrible though as throughout Hard, it seems like their songs are going nowhere. The album is pretty confusing to be honest with you. By the way, there isn’t much known about this band as no one knows who the members of the band were even though this band has a small cult following thanks to the Internet.
Anyways, Let me give you a song by song review of Hard which is a lazy and crappy name for an album. Sounds like something they made up in five minutes:
1.)Let ‘Em Eat Rock- Revolution is in the air and Christ Child wants you to “Let ‘Em Eat Rock?” What the hell does “Let ‘Em Eat Rock” actually mean? I have no idea as Christ Child basically repeats “Let ‘Em Eat Rock” over and over again with backup singers and decent guitar playing in the background.
2.) Five Finger Exercise- This song is just as confusing as Let ‘Em Eat Rock. As the only lyrics you can really understand is “It’s a Five Finger Exercise/A Handful of Bullshit lies/Going blind in the eye.” Even that really makes no sense. I think the rest of the song is supposed to mean how one of the Christ Child members went somewhere and got ripoff?
3.) Street Babies-This is such a lovely thing to sing about! Street Babies! Christ Child wants to be punkish by singing about Street Babies but it doesn’t work. Street Babies is slang for young prostitutes but Christ Child might have sung about babies on the street as well. Who the hell knows actually? Anyways, the band seems pretty happy singing about a serious subject such as child prostitution. They were probably too stoned when they actually sung this song.
4.) Star Whores- Christ Child’s most well known song I think. I think it’s their best really. There is some weird synth playing in this that tries to make the song sound really spacey. This is different and doesn’t sound as hard rockish as the prior three songs. It’s weird but it works. I don’t know why it works but it just does. I think if Christ Child had tried to make their songs more like Star Whores, then it wouldn’t really be mocked that badly.
5.) Teacher- Now at first, I thought this song was going against teachers but I was dead wrong on that one!!! It’s a song of how the lead singer of Christ Child teaches a girl all about sex. What the hell? Seriously, this guy gets more and more horny throughout the song. Anyways, thank god this song is only two minutes long.
6.) Blow It Up- Blow It Up/Tear It Down are the main lyrics of this song as it gets repeated like 15 times. This Christ Child’s longest song clocking in at 4 minutes and 17 seconds. I don’t think we are told what to Blow up or Tear down but that is typical of Christ Child as most of their lyrics make no sense. This song also has the most metal influenced lyrics in it with “Citizens of Rejection/Sacrifice the Virgin/Drink The Blood/Of The Witches Broom of Virtue” – I think that is what the fine part means of that, I am not too sure on that one.
7.) She’s Just A Bitch- With this one, we get a singing about the bitch who the lead singer hates but still goes back to because he’s whipped I believe. “She’s Just A Bitch/ But I got the itch on her, yea” is the main lyrics here but it doesn’t make sense though when you really look at it.
8.)Washington AC/DC- The most punk sounding song as Christ Child complains about the American government. That’s not saying much though. The band does something really weird by saying Washington DC and then pausing for a second to say AC. What the hell? They also do this like 20 times.
9.) Carnival Of Frustration- Now in this song, a continuous guitar playing of the same note over and over again while the lead singer in a voice trying to sound all dark and mysterious by saying random sayings such as “Black is turning whiter”, “Leave it if its lonely”, and “Doctors keep the dead alive.” This song should be called Carnival of Confusion since this song has the most confusing lyrics. Seriously, all of this seemed so random.
10.) Crazy, Dirty, and Dangerous- Three things this band isn’t. This sounds like a hard rock song that was meant for parties and not for the punk masses.
Overall, this album is one that will make you go What the Hell is that? Really, it will. That is what happened to me. Christ Child is the farthest thing from the punk band because quite frankly they had no idea what the punk movement really was. They were just hard rock musicians who came up with something from their asses to see if they could strike some gold. They should have just stuck to hard rock or metal or tried to be more experimental and try to do more Star Whores songs.
By the way, if you want to view Christ Child’s entire album, then you go here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/nuandoldskoolpunk#p/u
But if you are in the mood to download the entire thing, then go to either of these two places:
http://punknotprofit.blogspot.com/2009/06/christ-child-lp-1977.html
