Kids these days have it so easy when it comes to videogames. All you have to do is turn on a game and press the start button and you get instant gratification. In my day things were much, much harder. Here’s a few things that made me a more hardcore kid than most littleun’s today.
I’VE PERFORMED A MILLION-POINT COMBO ON TONY HAWK’S PRO SKATER.
Oh yeah, that’s right. I’ve hit six figures in a single combo playing THPS3 on the Playstation. I might hear some of you trendy youngsters shout “oh i got a big combo on THUG 2 onceeee!” Get out. When I refer to THPS I’m referring to when the game was actually difficult and you couldn’t get off your board, ride horses or some other crap. Infact, performing a million-point combo on the early THPS isn’t that hard for a regular player of the games, and I bet your children still couldn’t do it.
I’VE CHAINED A LEVEL ON IKARUGA
The shmup is a genre of games that died with the 2d era and one that kids of today probably haven’t even heard of. Renowned for their ball-breaking difficulty, only the most hardcore of gamers could ever hope to master them. Ikaruga is regarded as one of the genre’s finest, and involved a unique colour-switching system by which you could “chain” bullets to gain massive scores. It takes many hours of practise, memorisation and patience to even chain the very first, easiest level, let alone the pad-breakingly hard later levels. For all you modern PSWii60 babies, Ikaruga is out on the XBL marketplace. Buy it, and know what pain feels like.
You know, I’m going to stop here because I feel I may invoke depression in children all over the world if I continue to show them how much better I am at games than them. Now go back to your regenerating health, aim-assisted lives, kids.
