I want to like TNA. I really do. WWE is stale and risk averse in many areas and there’s no time like the present for an eager, well-written and fresh promotion to revitalise the pro wrestling industry. To put a positive slant on things, TNA are certainly very eager. Those readers who watched TNA iMPACT this week (that’s right, all two of you) would probably agree that TNA, despite the enormous fanfare accompanying Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff in January, still shows little promise.
The ‘big thing’ in TNA right now is the bringing back of former ECW stars to put on a one night only show, ostensibly to give much needed closure after the ‘debacle’ of WWE’s vision of ECW. In an enormous swerve TNA have decided to do a cheap rip off of WWE’s One Night Stand rather than a cheap rip off of the Nexus angle. I hesitate to call it a ‘revival’ because this angle looks and feels like TNA management is desperately and cynically pounding on the long-dead corpse of ECW in the hope that it will splutter out some money and show some sign of life. This metaphorical corpse of ECW is best embodied by the shambling cadaver of Tommy Dreamer and it seems this is where me and TNA management would agree, as Dreamer has dutifully been made the spokesman of this posthumous horse flogging. Dreamer cut a ‘passionate’ promo about the agonising mental torment he endured as he was forced for years to watch his friends get fired one by one; to watch the spirit and memory of something he once loved corrupted and to helplessly watch as the money continued to pour into his bank account. Truly a tale of woe. I wouldn’t be surprised if they decided to go with such a melodramatic, over-the-top promo precisely because they’re aware of how this angle may seem like a shallow and shameless attempt to cash in on the memory of the original ECW. Which of course it totally is.
If the answer is ‘Al Snow’ I can almost guarantee the question isn’t ‘What does everybody want?’
But in order to give a fair hearing to this week’s iMPACT, equal attention should be given to the other incomprehensibly stupid angles they’re running with. This week we were again treated to a tense in-ring confrontation between Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash. Precisely what they’re meant to be arguing about is lost on me, probably most of the audience and almost certainly Nash and Jarrett themselves. At one point Jarrett asked Nash what the hell he was talking about. A very good question, but one that was swiftly sidestepped. From what I can gather, Nash is angry that he’s being ignored by Bischoff and Hogan, who have reneged on the scheduled meetings time and again. Jarrett for some reason took exception and labelled Nash selfish. This week, Nash hit back, branding Jarrett a ‘selfish prick’, a line which I’m sure took the writers all week to think up. This angle makes no sense. It’s not clear anymore what they’re arguing about or who is supposed to be the face or heel. I think Nash is supposed to be the heel (he brought up Jarrett’s children this week. Oh he went there!) but he makes a well-reasoned case about being ignored by Bischoff and Hogan who, sure enough, were nowhere to be seen this week. This week though, there was just a lot of talk about ‘dropping logs’ and ‘almonds’ which didn’t really make any sense. Like most storylines in TNA this is fast becoming a convoluted mess, but hey, if it culminates in a Kevin Nash/Jeff Jarrett dream match then we’re all winners…right?
Not all angles in TNA at the moment are needlessly convoluted, oh no. Multi-talented as they are over at TNA, they’re eager to prove that they can still mess up a straightforward, easy-to-understand storyline involving Kurt Angle. The fact it involves Angle, actually, is probably why I think it is so unnecessary. The storyline is Kurt has vowed to beat all the top 10 contenders to prove himself and once again become TNA champion. This fails for so many reasons. Firstly, Kurt is so accomplished he doesn’t need to prove himself in the first place. Secondly, the inconsistency of the championship ranking system makes the whole process futile when Hernandez just leapfrogs over Angle to number 7, coming off of a month of doing precisely nothing. And thirdly, to motivate himself to succeed, Angle has said if he loses a match, he will retire. This takes the excitement out of the only redeeming feature of this storyline, the promise of a Kurt Angle match every week. Kurt is still a fantastic wrestler but when it’s pretty much guaranteed he’ll win every week, his matches lose a lot of their excitement. Perhaps I’m being over-generous since I’m operating on the assumption that not even TNA are stupid enough to have a major thing like that happen on free TV in a limp storyline
And I've been wrong before
So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. This week’s show pretty much sums up how I feel about TNA as a whole: there’s a lot of potential there, a lot of great talent, but most of it squandered by poor booking decisions and labyrinthine, nonsensical storylines. Obviously there was more to iMPACT than this and, to be fair, it wasn’t all atrocious. By far the best part of the last two iMPACTs have been the matches between the Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money, two terrific tag teams that consistently put on great matches with each other. And now that Beer Money are 2-0 up in the best of five series I can’t wait to tune in next week to see MCMG win the next two matches! So see you then!
